It's been a long time without you, my friend

"You need a channel to communicate your weirdness"

I was once told of this by someone, and this sentence has never left my mind. 

Once in a while, I felt at lost in trying to communicate to anyone.

Maybe becos I didnt even understand these nameless emotions myself.

Fortunately and also unfortunately, I am one of the few that experiences and feels several folds of emotions more than the normal people. Basically whenever I am not talking, I am feeling. Sometimes intensely feeling. 

But I couldn't always speak my mind. I am perfectly alright to be in absolute solitude with my feelings, and neither would I want to make other people feel these excessive feelings because they can be really draining sometimes.

Lately, I was distracted, agitated, restless and just generally feeling unreal waking up and going to sleep day after day. All my happiness was gradually eroded by the tedium of life. 

I needed to break the pattern.

I am only 23.

I need to be and to feel alive.

That's when I remembered, 

and found, 

my channel.

Thank you N.

It's a safe place where I am free to be as intense as I am naturally; and for people who do not feel the same as me, they too have the freedom to interpret my "words" as surface and literal as they are comfortable with.

So here are my words.

I wish you could hear me.

I exchanged my Som Tam for this pair of very worn sneakers from an old beggar on a late Saturday night in Bangkok earlier on in July. It was a miserable night for me, and I needed something to feel human.

This is Pu Ti. 

Pu Ti in Buddhism is the symbol of enlightenment.

I have always wondered what does sunset looks like without all its glorious colours.

Today I found my answer.

Still glorious.